Praise for Hugo

Man, it’s been a busy month. OK, I said I would only be updating once a month and… Oh, wait. Here it is.

The good news is that the new book is now with the editor so I have a break for a bit. The Comedy Film Nerds Guide to Movies has been a project myself, my CFN partner Graham Elwood and 11 other writers have been working on for over a year. And it’s finally edging towards the finish line and should be out in June if everything goes according to plan. It will be in bookstores (what are they?) and digital platforms online and of course for sale at comedyfilmnerds.com.

But I had just finished my chapters, including one on Family Films and Film School classics and never really thought about them being linked. Until I saw Martin Scorsese’s beautiful new film Hugo. It’s amazing. I usually leave the movie reviews over at CFN but I need to talk about this film some more. Plus, Neil T. Weakley did a fantastic job on the review over there so it’s covered.

In the upcoming book I touch on George Melies in the Film School Classics chapter and never thought I’d see him referenced in a “family” film, but there it is. And it’s done brilliantly. It’s gets to the heart of who we are, and why stories are so important. For the most obvious reason of all: They bring us together. Often in a dark theater with asshole teenagers texting next to us, but ultimately we are still brought together. The buzz on Hugo is that it is a love letter to film, and that is partially true. But it’s more of love letter to storytelling, storytellers, and how at heart that’s really who we all are.

From the trailer, it looks like a boy living in a train station clock trying to get his toy robot to work that his father left him. That is only one part of the film. But I guess it’s the part the trailer editor felt was important. Oh, don’t get me started on trailers. But I digress.

What’s weird is that it’s a “family” film. Yes, it’s a family film and the whole family can enjoy it, but ultimately young children who don’t have a working knowledge of early 1900s film history may be a little bored. Just saying. But it’s really just a great film without any sex, violence, cursing or other “adult” themes. Does that make it a family film? The absence of any scenes that would garner an R rating? Maybe. I won’t show it to my daughter until she is older, like around 9 or 10. Not because there is anything objectionable, but I think she’ll appreciate it much more in a few years. Right now she’d be bored if the robot doesn’t act like the Iron Giant, so we’ll wait a bit.

This is a movie made by dreamers for dreamers. I’ve always been one. I still am. We all are, even if we forget sometimes. That’s the point of the film. Martin Scorsese reminds us why we are all dreamers, and how dull life would be otherwise. See this film.

Let Go Or Be Dragged

I don’t get out so much anymore, but a friend of mine was doing an essay show last night. That’s where performers of varying ability go on stage and read personal essays with variable success. My pal did great, some performers… needed a bit more practice… but there was another performer who said something I hadn’t heard before, and it resonated with me.

The performer was talking about the baggage in her life and remembered a saying “Let Go or Be Dragged”. I guess it’s a popular saying, but I had never heard it before. And it makes SO much sense. And I need to do it more. Right now.

How much shit do we hold onto on a daily basis? Sometimes I lose count. I’m like an emotional pack rat sometimes. When we get older it seems to get worse. We have more room to put things. I’m not sure how that is, or what’s gone in our heads that’s making all that room, and I’m not sure I want to know.

Everything from childhood nonsense, parenting nonsense, work nonsense, and relationship nonsense just has to go. The fun nonsense you can keep. But ultimately, what’s done is done. Let go.

Sometimes I hear my brain going “I need this, I need that” and I realize slowly, “No, you don’t.” Except maybe Mass Effect 3 when that comes out. Geez, what’s taking so long?!

So is being dragged a function of aging? Sadly, I think it is. There is just simply more stuff to hang onto, and our mental toy box is getting full. So, for me, I am trying to make my brain have a garage sale. Try it. Get rid of all that shit you don’t want, from the asshole cutting you off on the 405 (If I ever FIND that son of a bitch)… the job you didn’t get, the screw job on a car repair, or the new computer you just bought bursting into flames or Home Depot screwing up your kitchen install. (Most of that list has actually happened to me)

But if you really look back on it, who cares? Does it matter? No, it doesn’t. Well, in that case, I’m done. I’m tired of being dragged. I’m letting go.

A Bookstore Made Me Sad

I was waiting to get my Volkswagen fixed, for the thousandth time, and wandered into a used bookstore on Melrose ave that I had never noticed before. Of course I did this after going into Golden Apple to check out the comics.

I walked in and a welcoming, musty smell greeted me. The kind only old bookstores have. Two old dudes ran the place, and it was piled from floor to ceiling with used books. And they were also all over the floors and aisles. As I walked in and looked at the piled and piles of books towering over me, I got a bit nervous since we live in earthquake country. I did not want to get beaten to death by literature. That would be a very awkward obituary. “Writer killed by falling words”. But I boldly walked down the aisle and asked where the Science Fiction and Children’s sections were. Something for me, and something for the kids. My wife already had books she was backed up on and didn’t need any more.

I went to the Science Fiction section and found a Ray Bradbury book, short stories about dragons, and an old Marvel Comics Conan graphic novel. I also saw books I had read in high school that I didn’t really need to purchase again. But they were all nostalgic finds. I felt like a kid again. That’s when I became a bit melancholy. Bookstores are disappearing, and small used bookstores and becoming even rarer. I remember spending hours in them as a kid, finding old tomes like a treasure hunter and being elated when I found something really cool.

There are generations now who may never know that thrill. Less books are being published every year and while the internet has made browsing and self publishing accessible, it’s just not the same as going into a dusty bookstore looking for buried treasure. I loved going into the used book store vaults and taking the time and reading the back covers, looking at the artwork, and shuffling through science fiction books that are in no way alphabetized. I was always rewarded.

The truth is, books (and bookstores) were never meant to compete with a constant barrage of faster media from video screens. You have them everywhere. From multiple screens in your house to your phone where you can demand any type of entertainment you want. Why would you want to wander around a dusty bookstore where your purchases could possibly fall on your head? A Kindle is safer. (sigh)

I’m not saying books and reading are dead. If that were the case then the world would truly be ending. I’m saying the way we used to take the time and discover new worlds through books by physically going into a store and browsing may be on the way out. The library may soon be the last place you can do that.

So if you see a used bookstore, go in it. You never know what you may find. These days, it’s the closest thing we have to a time machine. And those old books sitting on the shelves look lonely. They want to be read. Give them a chance.

Do Writers Get Upset Over Bad Reviews?

This is an interesting question. The answer is very simple: Yes, but we pretend we don’t. As a writer, whether you’re an author, blogger, screenwriter, etc. it doesn’t matter. You are subject to scrutiny by normal people and lunatics alike.

When you write, you put yourself out there and you hope people will like it and no matter how many people do, somehow our artsy brains fixate on the asshole who doesn’t like us. It takes a long time to let this go.

I remember years ago I was doing a show in this shitty one nighter and it was horrible. Lots of cowboy hats and large belt buckles, and I’m not sure how I ended up there. Anyway, I was bombing and was thinking at least I should try to ride the mechanical bull. But there was one table of college kids who thought I was awesome.


The next comic went on and was a road act and killed. They loved him, except for the table of college kids who liked me and thought he was terrible. I was OK with the night, I still got paid, it was just a bad night and clearly, not my audience. The other comic and I drove back together and all he could talk about was that table of college kids who hated him. He had the rest of the audience… from Hee Haw enjoying him. But he couldn’t let it go.

My point is, let it go. Whether you’re a writer or not. In your life, just let it go. Not everyone is going to like you. That’s just not how life works. And if you think everyone likes you, someone is lying to you, or everyone is afraid to make you upset because of some kind of psychological history. But the point is, it doesn’t matter. The people that will matter to you will like you. The people that don’t, don’t.

But the internet makes being a troll all the more inviting for assholes. It’s anonymous. You can say things you would never say to someone in person, and you don’t have to sign your name. You can even do it in 140 characters or less.

Amazon reviews or blog comments are very interesting when you break them down. I think 70% total are legitimate, but maybe less. On the positive side, you have fake good reviews by friends, and on the negative side it’s more complicated. Now you have people who write long negative reviews or comments to draw you to their own bullshit, a website or a self-published book. That’s how you want to get fans? By trashing someone else? Really?!

Misguided self-promotion aside, how many well thought out negative reviews or comments have you read? Very few. They are filled with anger, emotion, and often misspellings. People don’t get it and get angry that they don’t. They get angry that you don’t think like them, in their tiny little lizard brain capacity. It’s surprising they can type with prehensile appendages, but whatever. Oh, but if you do get a well thought out negative review with constructive criticism, they are at least worth reading. That’s about 1 in 1,000.

So do negative reviews bother me personally? Sure. But not as much as they used to. I’ve been learning to let things go. Not easy but I’m learning. Sometimes I’ll just reread some of the amazing positive emails or reviews I’ve received on how my book has helped someone. Then the negative reviews mean even less.

But the truth about negative and even positive reviews still holds: There is, guaranteed, one way to never ever get any bad reviews or comments: Don’t write anything.

Good luck and keep writing.

Baby on a Budget

Ok, time for the monthly blog post. That’s right, I said monthly. I’m not gonna conform to these Byzantine “one post a week” rules. Actually, one of the reasons I haven’t been posting much is that I was working on another book. An Ebook, and it’s called BABY ON A BUDGET and is out now.

Most books exist in both “regular” and “E” versions. But this one is only an Ebook because it is chock full of links to help you budget and save money in the first year of parenthood and poorenthood.

I’m not the best at budgeting and money management. I’m really not and never have been. So when I was asked to write the US version of BABY ON A BUDGET I was a little hesitant. What did I know about budgeting? I am a writer and a comedian. It was like asking a NASCAR Driver to do heart surgery. But then I thought for a moment. What better time to learn? Budgeting, not NASCAR driving. Hey, I even tried to make budgeting funny. That was a bit of a challenge. As a rule, budgeting is not so funny. Unless your adding machines are being operated by monkeys wearing tuxedos. Okay that’s funny, but too expensive.

So I dove into writing the US version of BABY ON A BUDGET for the DIYFATHER.com website based in New Zealand. And the first thing I learned is that things are very different in other countries when it comes to childcare and healthcare in general. What has this got to do with budgeting? A lot, actually.

There are a lot less people in New Zealand, but the government seems to care about them more. I had to jettison whole sections of the book dealing with all of the government aid and subsidies you get just for having a child over there. Including help with healthcare. Here, we don’t get squat except a $1000 tax credit.

But there was a lot more to learn, like how to use online shopping, budgeting websites, and hand me downs to really lower the cost of having a baby. Some of these tips I already knew, some of them were knew and some of them I REALLY which I had known back when we were having our first child.

So while I was writing, I learned a lot about budgeting and how much more I had to do. Budgeting is like dieting. The only way it works long term is if you change your lifestyle, not going on a crash diet. This whole “spend less than you take home” thing, is kind of a new concept to a generation raised (and almost destroyed) on and by credit. But you have to do it. I’m tired of being at the mercy of banks and insane interest rates. Not to mention crooked business practices. Bailout, anyone? I’m sure you are sick of it too. Of course it’s easy to fall off the horse, with dieting and budgeting. We all come home with a box full of donuts now and then. I mean that literally and possibly metaphorically.

So why not do something about it? We’ve started and our personal debt is now finally going in the right direction: down. It will take some time but I think we’re on a better track now. It’s actually not that impossible. You just have to have a starting point and an understanding of what you need vs what you want. And for some of us, it started with having a baby. Do we NEED designer crib sheets? Do we NEED an expensive nursery “theme”? No. You can buy diapers online and on sale. You can wear hand me down clothes. (OK, it may look weird if you start doing that but it’s fine for the baby) We do hand me downs with clothes, why not toys? Ah, see? I just saved you money right there.

You often learn by reading. This time, I learned by writing. And I really hope it will help other people too. You don’t have to spend a fortune to have a baby. Budgeting pays off many times over. It just takes a little more time, effort, and energy to save money. Because not all of us live in New Zealand.

BABY ON A BUDGET is available at AMAZON.com on Kindle (you don’t need a Kindle to read it, you can download a free reader). Just click on the link to the left.

Throwing Up For Jesus

So we’re not so great about going to church, but the Catholic guilt does kick in every once in a while. We decided to go to the church fair with the family. It’s still church but with rides and fried food. What could possibly go wrong? Slather on the sunscreen, everyone in their hats, great. Tick tick tick tick….

Our six year old daughter is a bit of a daredevil and wants to go on every ride immediately. Some of the ones looked tame, and then there were the ones myself or my wife has to go on with her. I like amusement park rides, but carnival and fair rides I’m not as huge a fan of. And after this day, even less so.

Bella picks one of the rides that looks like one of those mini swing rides that every amusement park has, the one where you get strapped to a large swing and it goes up and around in a circle. Fine.

So I’m in line with Bella and then I notice something I hadn’t noticed before. The weird umbrella swing ride was going faster and faster. I was starting to have some doubts. My wife and son came over and she said something casually like “I would go on with her but I don’t have the right shoes.” Really?! Man, why didn’t I think of that? Such a lame excuse but it confused me long enough for her to walk away.

So I got on the ride and it started off fine. I had been on those giant swing rides before with Bella and no problem. She started laughing, having a great time. But then with every revolution it got faster. And faster. And faster. Too late, I realized the ride was a centrifuge disguised as a swing ride. All the platelets were spinning out of my blood.

Round and round, faster and faster and then the ride did something that sent me over the edge. It was going up and around, on an angle, way too fast, and then the basket/seat started swinging from side to side. I had had enough. Time to be the no fun dad. I held out for as long as I could.
Every time I went past the carnie, I yelled “stop”.

After five times, he stopped the ride and I stumbled off. Bella, however wanted to stay on but she couldn’t ride alone so she gave me a 6 year old hissy fit while I was trying to figure out how not to get hit in the face with the ground.

I soon caught up with the wife and son. She saw how pale I was and we sat down, drank some coke and they all had some ice cream. I thought “This will pass, right?” And… no. Twenty minutes later I had to announce I had to go home and obviously couldn’t drive. We drove home with the kids upset but I think the church was pleased we spent some money at least. Catholic guild appeased.

It was a horrible ride home, we stopped at every light and I felt like my stomach didn’t. I got home, ran into the bathroom and puked my guts out like I was at my bachelor party. Only this time it didn’t taste like kamikazes. So I was throwing up, but for once it was for a good cause.

When I finally recovered my wife said to me “Awww, you just wanted to go on the ride with your daughter so she could have fun. You’re a good daddy.” Wow, unexpected bonus points. But from now on, when we go to a fair or a carnival, I’m bringing the wrong shoes.

My Life with Video Games

I haven't disappeared. I've just been sick, the kids were sick, not necessarily in that order. When you have kids, flu season seems to last for 11 months. Ugh. Everyone is better now. Anyway, I thought I'd post an article I did for... I can't remember. So many places wanting free content, I just can't keep them straight. My Life with Video Games. Enjoy.

I’ve been playing video games for as long as I can remember. It started one fateful evening when my family went out to dinner and there was this new machine at the restaurant, and it wasn’t a pinball machine. It had two long blocks and the goal was to knock the smaller block past the other player’s larger block. Yes, it was 1972 and the game was PONG, I was mesmerized at the time like a teenager watching Charlie’s Angels, and soon the video game industry was born.

I remember playing a pinball machine my grandfather had in his basement, but even then it was an antique. You stuck a penny in and you got to play, but all the ball really did was hit some metal strips and then went into one of the various holes with no fanfare whatsoever. I don’t even thing electricity was involved. So to play PONG, it was a revelation.

And thus with the birth of the video game industry my pixual awakening occurred, and I knew right then I would lose many, many hours of my life staring at a screen in someone’s basement for the next 30 some years. Voluntarily. Tanks made of blocks, dragons that looked like ducks, and a game where all you did was fish was all it took to amuse us back then. Seriously, Fishing Derby?! I don’t think that game is on Activision’s remake slate anytime soon.

OK, now that I’m in LA, I’m all growed up and have a family of my own. I still play video games. Due to little things like earthquakes there are no basements here so it kind of ruins the nostalgia a little bit, but it’s still just as shut-inny.

I remember hooking up our Atari 2600 to a 19 inch television. It was basic, blurry, and we loved it. Except for that E.T. game. Even back then we know that was a piece of crap. But our favorites were Missile Command, Superman, Adventure, and Megamania. Of course, Combat, the game that came with the system gave us a bunch of hours and a few headaches as well.

“Why don’t you guys go outside?” was all we would hear from upstairs. OK, we did go outside a lot, but half the time was indeed spent sequestered like an indecisive jury going over forensic evidence. But we were trying to get to the next level on Pac Man, which looked nothing like the arcade game.

Now, like a lot of guys, I never stopped playing video games. I never “took a break”. From the Atari 2600 to the Nintendo machine with the stupid robot to the Sega Genesis to the X-Box 360, video games have matured with us, and we have matured with them. Well, sort of. We’re making more money now, at least. We have to as the new systems and games are a lot more expensive.

I never got into the online play as much, with the shooters and World of Warcraft. Mainly because I think I might like it a little bit TOO much. But I like the social experience. That piece of nostalgia can still ring true. I would go to Halo parties with four X-Boxes linked together and eight dudes in one room, eight in another. It’s so cool to frag someone and then hear a very loud expletive immediately coming from the neighboring room.

But the gaming industry has matured to the point where, like movies and television, there is something for everyone. But that means there is also more stuff you have to be aware of and keep your children from. But, hey, this time it’s easy, right? We’re in Best Buy or GameStop and usually know more than the clerks anyway. We know what’s appropriate and what’s not. We’re DUDES. We can tell The Covenant from Spyro. Mario from Sam Fisher. Banjo from Kazooie. It’s our wheelhouse.

Now my four year old daughter and I are playing Kingdom Hearts together. Disney and Final Fantasy, how can you go wrong? OK, she’s not really playing as much as telling me what to do. “Go see Winnie the Pooh! Talk to the Princesses! Read what they are saying!”

Now with two young children I have a lot less time to play, but at the end of a grueling day, an hour with a wireless controller definitely relaxes me. Unless I’m stuck on a boss fight in God of War, then it’s not so relaxing.

Video games have come a long way. And they have caught up and in some ways surpassed other entertainment mediums. So as parents, this means we have one more thing to watch out for. But like I said, it’s something we’re already intimately familiar with. So FINALLY, something that’s easy for us. I try to hide my “adult” games and don’t even let my daughter see the covers so as to not even arouse her curiosity. So it’s Kingdom Hearts at 7:00pm, Bedtime at 8:00 pm and then Resident Evil at 9:00pm. And then usually bed by 9:45. Because I’m an adult. I can go to bed whenever… the kids let me.