Mummies! Part 2

Alright, I ALMOST was able to keep to a week. Thanks to everyone and your e-mails and comments. You guys truly flatter me.

So we started the “long walk” up to the mummies. There were pictures and some displays leading up so I pointed again to a picture of a mummy head.

“Are you sure that’s not too scary?”
“No.” was the quick reply from my five year old archeologist/monster hunter.

So it was showtime. We went in to see the mummies. First there was one of those audio wands you could listen too. I thought Bella would like that so I offered to get her one. “Five dollars more” said the girl behind the counter. Err, no thanks. I’ll do the narration.

So we started going through a dark makeshift corridor to look at the mummies. I was getting nervous again. But first, there were animal mummies. Monkeys and dogs. Creepy. Didn’t faze Bella in the slightest. She wanted to see the “big” mummies.

So we started to see the mummies, and Bella was just fascinated. She was staring at their mummified heads and wanted a closer look at an Egyptian sarcophagus so I held her up. "Whoahhh" she exclaimed. Very cute.

She was taking it all in and then saw another mummy. She was looking at its head, and then I noticed something. Well, let’s just say something else was also preserved. The last thing I want my daughter to look at was big shriveled mummy cock. Well, maybe it’s not the last thing, but it’s pretty high up there. I quickly ushered her away from that one before she could get the full picture and thankfully, all other mummies were “covered up” and “decent”.

We say a European mummy family, and other mummies from around the world. I was trying to usher Bella through the exhibit quickly, just because I was so nervous, but she wanted to see everything and was really enjoying it. It not only wasn’t frightening her, it wasn’t even fazing her at all. She was actually enjoying it. Maybe a little too much. I had flashes of lots of black clothes, My Chemical Romance CDs, and Neil Gaiman books in her future. Which is my present, of course. Good. I won’t have to buy anything.

We finished the exhibit and Bella was satisfied and I breathed a sigh of relief. She was fine. In fact, she really enjoyed it. Now we could both relax and go look at the ecosystems. We started with the desert, because I like lizards. And it was my turn to pick.

We had a great father daughter day at the museum. Turns out I was worried for no reason. For once. I also knew that my little girl was growing up strong, curious, and willful already. Two out of three ain’t bad.

I realized something on that trip. I’m pretty sure when I was five the mummies would have freaked me out a bit. I think kids have less fear today than before. Maybe it’s because of media saturation, I don’t know, but ultimately I think that is a good thing. Not the media saturation, the less fear part. While every child is different and can ultimately handle different things, I’m going to give my daughter a little more credit from now on.

Mummies! Part 1

The less frequently I update the more blog followers I get. Are you guys trying to tell me something?

So the California Science Center had a new exhibit on mummies. I saw the sign and mentioned it when I was driving. Our five year old daughter, Bella got instantly excited.
“I want to see the mummies,” she said.
“Really?”
“Yes. Are they real?”
“Yes, they are real. But they don’t walk around”
“I thought you said they were real.”

It occurred to me she was thinking of a Scooby Doo episode.

“They are real, but they don’t walk around,” I explained.
“Are they dead?”
“er… yes. They’ve been dead for a very long time. Like the dinosaurs.”
“Did the mummies used to ride the dinosaurs?”
“… Yes. The mummies used to ride the dinosaurs.”

Let her teachers sort that one out.

So we went to the California Science Center, which is “free.” Yes, “free” means you pay for parking, Imax movies and any other big exhibit you want to see like, I don’t know, say, MUMMIES. Way to nickel and dime me, California Science.

So we went in and her eyes immediately lit up. She saw a sign for the mummies. “Is that what they look like?”
“Yes. Too scary?”
“No.”

I went to get us tickets and that’s when I saw the warnings. Mummy exhibit may be too intense for children, talk to your child before you take her to the exhibit, you’re a horrible parent, and no refunds, etc.

Great. Now I was getting worried. Would it be too much for her? But she was so excited. She’s be crushed and I would have to hear about it on the long traffic laden ride home.

But I was genuinely concerned. I kind of pride myself on making sure our children only see age appropriate material in the movies, on television or in books. I didn’t want to upset her.

So I started asking some of the employees more questions and didn’t really get any good answers. Half of them were volunteers and hadn’t seen the exhibit and the others weren’t really sure what “too intense” meant. So it was on me. And to be honest, as a parent, it should be. But I was in a situation where I wasn’t able to preview the material before making a decision so it was tough. To make matters worse, Bella was getting angry that I was asking so many people about how intense the mummies exhibit was. She knew if I got the wrong answer she wouldn’t get to go. She was right. But I really didn’t get any answer at all.

But before I had to make my mummy decision we went to the Imax Hubble movie narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio. You know what? It was really good. Great 3D and an interesting movie. Bella liked it too. Maybe she would forget all about the mummies. Yeah, right.

So then it was game time. She wanted to see the mummies next and was not going to take no for an answer. Curse you, Scooby Doo.

(The conclusion of Mummies! The Musical will be within a week, I promise)

I'm in Las Vegas with the Robots

OK, so my posting has been a bit sporadic, to be generous. I really do enjoy blogging but the truth is I’ve been really…unavailable over the last few months and I don’t see it getting any better until September when I can resume a regular schedule. You mean the same September when the kids go to school? I’m sure that’s just a coincidence…

In fact the reason I’m writing this now is because I picked up some last minute work in Las Vegas so I’m typing this from the seclusion of my hotel room. I’m catching up on reading, blogging, e-mails, work, and most importantly, sleep. Yes, I’ve said it before, I’m the only one who goes to Las Vegas to get some sleep.

I love coming to Vegas a few times a year. I actually recharge here, as weird as that sounds. I don’t really gamble (not because I’m against it, but because I’m not very good at it) so I sleep, eat, work, and exercise. By the way, if you ever want to get away from the crowds in Vegas, go to the hotel gym. It’s like a ghost town.

As I walked the casino floor I saw something new. It was a big virtual blackjack machine. Instead of playing against a dealer, the players sat at a table and played against a giant screen. An image of a blackjack dealer gives you a fake smile and deals images of cards. So players were watching a digitized version of a vapid, breast implanted model pretending to deal blackjack. It didn’t even look like a novelty. It looked like I had stepped onto the set of Blade Runner.

OK, so I’ll go to the piano bar. That will be cool, right? Watch some actual musicians tickle the ivories and banter back and forth. Great. After a few minutes of listening I noticed that it just didn’t sound… right. I took a closer look at the pianos. And it turned out, they weren’t pianos. They were piano “shells” with electronic keyboards inside them where the piano keys should have been. REALLY? You’ve now screwed with the piano bar?! Sacrilege.

I went into the café. It sued to be in Vegas you could go in, order whatever you wanted anytime you wanted. French Toast at 5:00 pm? No problem. This time I went in at around 11:00 am and there were two options for breakfast. A ham and cheese Omelet or 2 eggs “any style” which usually means scrambled. I kept turning the menu over to see if I had missed something. I wanted to see what I could work out when the 80 year old waitress finally came over.

“Could I get a cheese omelet?”
“The ham and cheese omelet?”
“No, I just want a cheese omelet”
(pause)”OK, but I have to charge your for the ham and cheese omelet”
“Alright. Can I get fruit instead of hash browns?”
“That’s another three dollars”
(sigh)
“what’s that you’re drinking?”
“Uhm, water?”
(angry glare) “OK”

So I ate my breakfast under the watchful eye of the angry octogenarian bean counter. Was I eating too slow? Hmmm...

That’s when it hit me. I realized we weren’t customers anymore. We were dollar signs, or worse, bank account numbers. Granted, I was working so I wasn’t really a customer but I still needed to use the hotel services.

There used to be a time in Las Vegas where food and hotels were cheap and customer service was important and you could get French toast whenever you wanted. The casinos didn’t care. They were making their money at the tables. But once the big corporations took over, they wanted every penny you had, and didn’t care where they got it from, whether it was at a table or in an overpriced café. But on the other side of it was the notion that the corporations were trying to do everything faster and cheaper. (It used to be BETTER, faster, and cheaper, but better became too expensive)

After seeing virtual blackjack dealers and fake pianos I realized the bigger dystopian picture. Big corporations were slowly replacing us with machines and also treating us like them. It is not a good feeling. The truth is, only two or three companies now own all the casinos on the Vegas strip. So what do they care? If you go to another casino because you got poor service at one, the same company still gets your money.

In distancing us from our money by any means necessary, we were also being distanced from each other as humans. We are becoming detached from each other, and that’s not a good thing. At all. So hug your children, hug your spouse, hell, hug your friends, and enjoy that human connection the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed, before the future corporate robot overlords take it all away from us, dollar by dollar. Scarily, with our consent as we stare down at our iPhones.

Sleep Deprivation and Hot Tub Time Machine

I used to think the hardest thing was having an infant due to the fact that they don’t sleep. Actually, infants do sleep. Not necessarily at night, but they do sleep. No, as we’ve discovered, it’s much harder to have a toddler who has decided that sleep just isn’t for him. Like when he was an infant he said, ”Yeah, that whole sleep thing? Tried it. Done with that. Now please change me.”

It started about a year ago. He’s two now. It’s been one long year. Uhm, toddlers are supposed to sleep like… toddlers, right? Not overworked morning DJs. Our toddler sleeps only 7-8 hours a NIGHT and then MAYBE takes a 1-2 hour nap during the day. So add with trying to get the million things done after the kids are asleep, my wife and I have been getting roughly 4-6 hours of sleep a night for a year. At least I think it’s been a year. It feels much longer. In other words, he just doesn’t like sleeping so he doesn’t do it. He doesn’t fall back asleep on the couch or in our bed, he’s just UP. We even tried giving him less coffee, but nothing seems to work.

We are hoping it’s a phase. A horrible, sleepless phase where I’ve been so tired that a few times I actually forgot where I was and tried to burp the cat and asked my five year old to help me with our taxes. She found some extra deductions that we had overlooked, so that actually worked out.

We’re HOPING that now that he’s two and is starting preschool his sleeping will normalize or at least he’ll sleep past 5:00 am after going to bed after 9:00 pm.

Lack of sleep is a killer. I feel awful, I’m more cranky and irritable and I have less patience. Of course, that may just be because I am a misanthrope but why split hairs. When I actually get a good night sleep I actually feel a little worse, because I think my body goes “Oh, is it over? I was in sleep mode. And I need another three days in bed. Wait? We’re getting up now? Seriously? Why, do you have a final?”

But even in our sleep deprived state, my wife and I occasionally find 20 minute increments to spend time relaxing together. My wife and I just watched Hot Tub Time Machine. (not all at once, of course) I really loved this movie. My wife liked it too. It was really funny but it also made me feel a little maudlin. I remembered the music, my days in high school, and the horrible fashions. It just made me feel both good and sad at the same time. I suppose that’s how the word “nostalgia” was created. It was great seeing John Cusack playing... an older John Cusack and there were some nice references to his older movies in there.

I look at my kids and my life and the conclusion is inevitable: Like moves on. And no hot tub can stop it. But man, we try, don’t we guys? It’s not all 16 year olds buying comic books, is it? What’s in your Hot Tub? Mine has a Playstation 3 and the original Star Trek series on DVD along with a Batman action figure and one of the Transformer Dinobots. Grimlock, of course.

So it’s been a weird year of sleep deprivation and trying to stop time. A few more weeks of not sleeping I may actually believe I can do it. All I need is some tinfoil and a hat… And then I’ll show the world that this whole linear time thing is bullshit. Now if those purple gnomes would just stop jumping up and down on my bed singing a Tears for Fears medley. It’s distracting.

Screw Job from the Car Dealer

I have a Volkswagen Passat. I love the way it drives but it isn’t too reliable and always needs something done, great or small. Electical stuff, 2 batteries in 2 years, transmission, FOUR headlights, etc. When it was under warranty then it was just annoying. But once you have to start paying, that’s a whole ‘nother grifting animal.

There’s been like four or five recalls on it too. At first I thought OK, recalls are for safety. Now, I’m not so sure. I think recalls are a way to get you into the dealer so you’ll pay their crazy prices for other work while you’re there.

I was one recall behind and I needed some scheduled maintenance along with some weird stuff like a new antennae and floor mat clips (whatever). So what the hell, I scheduled an appointment knowing I’d pay a little bit more.

I got my maintenance work done to an expensive price but I was willing to take the hit because I needed all that other stuff done. OK, fair enough, I knew the game. Then, they tried to screw me. Hard. They told me I needed all this other work done from engine mounts to some undercarriage “cleanout”.

“Really?”

“Yes. But we don’t have the parts for any of this work”

“Wait, you don’t have any parts?! Don’t you sell these cars? If I did need parts, wouldn’t this be the place that would actually have them?!”

“We can get them next week. And it will be $2500 for everything. In addition to the $600 we just charged you, of course.”

(pause)

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Well, we weren’t sure. I mean you DID take your care to the dealer.”

“That was because of the recall and I thought I could save some time-- Never mind. I’m starting to think you may be right.”

In my head, I toId them to suck it and went to my mechanic that we had been going to for years. I gave my mechanic (Community Auto in Hollywood off Melrose) the list from the dealer. They called me back a few hours later. Only two of the repairs needed to be done and the total would be under $500. Less than 25% of the dealer estimate. O Frabjous Day! Callooh, Callay! My credit card company wasn’t happy but I breathed a sigh of relief. So yes, they tried to really screw me.

It’s hard to find a good mechanic. One whom you trust. When you do, and chances are they will be independently owned and operated, support them whenever you can. It will be good for the both of you. And your wallet.

The weird thing is if the VW dealer wasn’t so incompetent I may have been fooled into at least getting one or two of those expensive repairs done if they had the parts in stock.

I’m not buying another VW ever again. Call me crazy, but I like a car that I can rely on and not have to outsmart con artists every time there is a recall.

The End of My Speeding Ticket Saga

OK, maybe SAGA is a bit of a stretch, but it has concluded. To catch you up, here are the previous two posts regarding this affair.

http://www.daddyneedssomealonetime.com/2009/11/pulled-over-going-40-miles-per-hour.html

http://www.daddyneedssomealonetime.com/2010/02/people-vs-chris-mancini.html

I now bring you the conclusion. I had my court date set. I was ready to go. I have my photos of the intersection all ready, I knew what I was going to say and was ready to try my case. It was so annoying to go through all this, but I was happy it would finally be done and I have to say it was also very interesting to go through the whole process and see all of the tricks the system uses to try and get you to just plead guilty and take your money.

They make it easy to pay, hard to contest. Pay right online! But to schedule a hearing you have to come down to the courthouse, then you have to pay your fine anyway as bail, then come again to the courthouse to try your case. And if you are found guilty, you can’t have traffic school so your insurance will go up too. Best just to pay us and take traffic school. They really just want you to shut up and pay. Well, for better or for worse, I’ve really never been very good at shutting up. And paying, well, let’s see where that goes.

So I arrive at the courthouse. Early, of course. I get travel anxiety so I really have to arrive everywhere a little early or I panic that I’m going to be late. But that’s a whole other blog post.

Everyone else is looking around to see if the cop is going to show up. They schedule these traffic courts in bulk, so all the cops show up in bulk.

I didn’t see my cop. Hey this would be easier than I thought. But as we all started checking in sure enough he showed up. In bulk. (yes, I have just made another fat joke. But folks, he was HUGE.) A fair amount of the cops showed up, but not all of them. If your cop doesn’t show up it’s an instant dismissal. The bailiff gave everyone one last chance to plead guilty if they were hoping the cop wouldn’t show up. Geez, enough. It’s your right. Go through the trial. At this point you have nothing to lose.

So I was ready. I had my pictures of the intersection with no school zone sign and readied what I was going to say. But then, something very unexpected happened.

The cop called my name and I went over to him. This normally doesn’t happen. He looked at me and said “This is going to get dismissed. The signage is messed up.”

“I know, that’s why I’m here,” I replied.

“I didn’t know it at the time. Wait for the judge to call your name” He was going to dismiss the ticket when my name was called.

So my name was called and the cop dismissed the ticket himself. This surprised the judge a bit, but it was soon over. I had won. I went over and thanked the cop. I had to give him a lot of credit. I don’t think every cop would have done that.

We walked out together and he agreed that he didn’t think it was fair. “That’s why they call it justice” he said. What a cool guy. Granted he was walking really slow and I started to get nervous. What if he changes his mind or finds out I called him fat in three blog posts. So I quickly thanked him again, quickened my pace and walked out.

So it was over. I saved a few hundred bucks and an insurance rate hike. Some days, you actually get to win.

It was actually an interesting experience and I’m glad I went through the whole thing. I definitely learned a few things. There are two things they definitely don’t advertise that you should know, if you live in California. Other states may have different rules that they don’t want you to know about either.

1)If you contest and go to your arraignment, the judge can waive the fine as your bail so you don’t have to pay a thing unless you’re found guilty at your trial date. Otherwise you have to wait many weeks to get your “refund” if you win.

2)Even if you lose your trial, the judge can also still you traffic court if he is so inclined so the points won’t go on your license.

So now I pay extra close attention to where the schools are. And the signs. And the cops. And the ice cream trucks. OK, I digress. But they’re the hardest to find, for some reason.

How Can You Not Love Sting?

Right now I’m just trying to run out the clock. 5 Year old starts school in September and 2 year old starts preschool next month. Whatever will I do with the extra 60 hours a week? Update my blog more frequently for one. Maybe sleep and then look for my sanity, which I seem to have misplaced. I also got a new computer and lost all of my feeds. So now I’ll have to add everyone back in and start visiting again. So if your blog feed readers went down by one, that’s the reason.

I surprised my wife with Sting tickets for her birthday. She was quite pleased. In fact, my brother was in town so I got an extra ticket for him too, since he is also a fan.

Sting was playing at the Hollywood Bowl, which is a fantastic place to see a concert. Outdoors sitting on a mountain. Pretty cool. I got tickets late so let’s just say our seats weren’t great, but it didn’t matter. We had a blast.

Sting sold out the Hollywood Bowl with very little advertising. I tried to imagine what that level of fame would be like. You can’t go anywhere without being recognized And that’s not just in your home town, but all over the world.

Sting put on a great show. He sounded great, was personable, and gave us Laker scores. You could tell he simply loved what he did. It went beyond being a billionaire rock star. He just loved the music and performing for people. And then when he gets tired I’m sure he gets into his airplane made of gold and flies back into his secret luxury island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Invisible to radar, of course. Sting needs his privacy.

The dude is 58. I remember in middle school studying “rock” in music class and the teacher played “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic”. We watched the video. This was when music videos were just starting. There was a guy dancing on a sound board in a studio. That was crazy! Yes, simpler times.

His old songs made me feel nostalgic but he played a lot of stuff I didn’t recognize, like some song about being a vampire and a few others. Not quite as engaging. But hey, he’s Sting. He can do whatever he wants. He brought an orchestra with him and even acknowledged that one of the cool things he gets to do is revisit his old songs that no one’s ever heard of. Well, probably cooler for him anyway. But all in all it was a fantastic show.

The other thing I like about the Hollywood Bowl is it’s for people who enjoy rock concerts without all the hassles of being a teenager. Starts at around 8:00 pm and you can sit and enjoy the show. Sure, people stood up in the front but where we were people just sat and enjoyed the show. That’s how I like my shows. No standing and you’re allowed to bring picnic baskets. Which at the Hollywood Bowl, you can do. There was a few “woo” “woo”ers behind us but not too bad. Then I turned around and they were all in their 60’s. Good for them.

But there was one real tool sitting next to me who wouldn’t stop looking at his Blackberry every five seconds. This made me annoyed for a number of reasons, first because I couldn’t get a signal on my iPhone. He obviously didn’t want to be there and was just there because his girlfriend dragged him there. Sorry dude. When you want to go see Nickleback or some other shitty band that dumb people like then you can cash in this chip with your girlfriend. Now it was annoying but I kept my mouth shut because he was rather large and muscular. Thankfully I think he thought the bench were too cramped and he and his annoyed girlfriend moved to the back after the intermission.

I don’t go to many concerts anymore and sometimes I miss them. But I don’t miss having a drunk teenager throw up on my Doc Martins. OK, maybe I miss that a little bit. But I love seeing bands and artists I grew up with still touring, and putting on a great show. I remember seeing Jimmy Page and Robert Plant at the Hollywood Bowl a few years ago and overhearing a guy behind me say “My Mom saw Led Zeppelin live and now I’m here with her seeing Page and Plant” And then he threw up on my Doc Martins.